Written by Hoyt Axton)

I woman that I know just came from Colombia
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out some marijuana, uh huh
She said it was the finest in the land

And I said, "No no no no,
I don't smoke it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door"

A man I know just came to me from Tennessee, Oh
He smiled because I did not understand
The ne held out some moonshine whiskey, oh ho!
He said it was the finest in the land

And I said, "No no no no,
I don't drink it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door"

A woman that I know just came from Majorca, Spain,
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out a 10 pound bag of cocaine
She said it was the finest in the land

And I said, "No no no no,
I don't no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door