We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of, Gay
Cos we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo
Small and Brown, he comes from you
Sit on the toilet, here he comes
Squeeze him tween your festive buns!
A present from down below
Speading joy with a 'howdy ho'!
He's seen the love inside of you
Cos he's a piece of poo!

Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny
He can be brown, or greenish-brown
But if you eat fibre on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town
Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore vicariously, he loves you
'I can make a Mr Hankey too'!

Cartman: 'Well Kyle, where is he?'
Kyle: 'Uh, he's coming'
Stan: 'Come on dude, Push!'
Kyle: 'I'm trying'
Cartman: 'Wait Wait! I can see his head'
Kyle: 'Here he comes'
Mr Hankey: 'HOWDY HO!'

I'm Mr Hankey, the Christmas poo
Seasons greetings to all of you
Lets sing songs, and dance, and play
Now, before I melt away
Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
'Howdy ho ho, yum yum yum
Christmas time has come!'

Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
And wont fall in the toilet,
cos he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he wont drop off, and so you shake your ass around
And try to get it to drop in the toilet
And finally it does

Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo
Christmas leaves, he must leave too
Flush him down, but he's never gone,
His smell and his spirit lingers on
Howdy ho!