When I was young my father said "Son I have something to say,"
And what he told me I'll never forget, until my dying day
He said, "Son you are a bachelor boy
And that's the way to stay, son you are a bachelor boy"
-huh- I wish I was a bloody bachelor boy

A happy ba-che-lor was he,
But he ain't no more, Gormless Garry
Us he ditched, when he got hitched to a witch and a bitch called Melanie
Who's that then? Garry, who? - Garry
Slouched on the couch with that cow,
There ain't any doubt there's no escape
Now off his head, contented
Instead he wed, Melanie

[Chorus:]

He said, "I only wanted to stay young"
But the silly sucker, flung his life away
"I only wanted to be free"
And he took no notice o' me
And it's all over now -huh- for Garry

The bag nagged Gaz to have a kid
The most gormless thing Garry ever did
Stuck in a rut, he knows he's a nut, with a pain in the butt called Melanie

[Chorus]

[Guitar bit]

Off his head, off his tree
Garry was a sucker when he married Melanie

[Chorus]