When I woke up in the morning she was still in my bed
And then she wanted to make me bacon and eggs
And then I said I have no time I got to go to a meeting
In the drunken clam, and she said I'll drive you there

I've been having sex with all women in this town
Nonstop for the last two days two days yeah
Now, you know how much sperm cells I got left? Just One!
He's all alone in there and he's scared!

Hide your children, hide your wives,
Quagmire's on the loose
Anyone who crosses his path
Falls for his moves

Tuesday was in the eighties, and you know I'll move on
Every day new pisces or Capricorn
I know you're not a virgo, and no preut
Come with me you'll be in bed by eight and home by noon

Hide your children, hide your wives,
Quagmire's on the loose
Anyone who crosses his path
Falls for his moves

Hide your children, hide your wives,
Hide your children, hide your wives,
Hide your children, hide your wives,
Quagmire's looking to release his special juice