IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED
WILL YOU LOVE ME JUST THE SAME
EVEN IF I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHO YOU ARE OR KNOW YOUR NAME

IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED
I WON'T NEED A STEADY JO
JUST A NURSE WHO FEEDS ME TAPIOCA
WON'T LET ME EAT CORN ON THE CO

OH, LOOK AT ME - FEELING OLDER THAN HISTORY
AND IT'S A CONTEMPLATING MYSTERY
WHY I'M NOT DEAD AND BURIED

IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED
WILL I HAVE TEETH TO HOLD YOUR KISS
IF I CAN STILL PLAY MY PIANO
I'LL SING YOU A SONG JUST LIKE THIS

IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED
WILLARD SCOTT WILL SHOW MY PICTURE ON TV
RIGHT NEXT TO A JAR OF SMUCKERS
A WORD THAT NOTHING RHYTHMS WITH

OH, LOOK AT ME - SUCH A FIGURE OF HUMANITY
A HERO ALL THE WORLD JUST LOVES TO SEE
THIS LINE I CAN'T REMEMBER

IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED
WON'T NEED VIAGRA ANYMORE
WON'T BE EATING BUFFALO WINGS
OR KNOW MY WAY BACK FROM THE STORE

AND IF I LIVE TO BE A HERO
I'LL BE ONE HUNDRED YEARS, GALORE
CELEBRATING ALL THE GOOD TIMES
I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYMORE