Princeton:
Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

Kate Monster:
Sure!

Princeton:
Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Kate Monster:
Uh huh

Princeton:
Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster

Kate Monster:
Right

Princeton:
You're both Monsters

Kate Monster:
Yeah

Princeton:
Are you two related?

Kate Monster:
What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

Princeton:
Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

Kate Monster:
Well, it's a touchy subject
No, not all Monsters are related
What are you trying say, huh?
That we all look the same to you?
Huh, huh, huh?

Princeton:
No, no, no, not at all I'm sorry,
I guess that was a little racist

Kate Monster:
I should say so You should be much more
careful when you're talking about the
sensitive subject of race

Princeton:
Well, look who's talking!

Kate Monster:
What do you mean?

Princeton:
What about that special Monster School you told me about?

Kate Monster:
What about it?

Princeton:
Could someone like me go there?

Kate Monster:
No, we don't want people like you-

Princeton:
You see?!

You're a little bit racist

Kate Monster:
Well, you're a little bit too

Princeton:
I guess we're both a little bit racist

Kate Monster:
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do

Princeton:
But I guess it's true

Kate Monster:
Between me and you,
I think

Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race

Princeton:
Now not big judgments, like who to hire
or who to buy a newspaper from -

Kate Monster:
No!

Princeton:
No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

Kate Monster:
Right!

Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Today
So, everyone's a little bit racist
Okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're based on truth
Don't take them as
Personal attacks
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!

Princeton:
All right, stop me if you've heard this one

Kate Monster:
Okay!

Princeton:
There's a plan going down and there's only
one paracute And there's a rabbi, a priest

Kate Monster:
And a black guy!

Gary Coleman:
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?

Kate Monster:
Uh

Gary Coleman:
You were telling a black joke!

Princeton:
Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes

Gary Coleman:
I don't

Princeton:
Well, of course you don't - you're black!
But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

Gary Coleman:
Well, sure I do Those stupid Polacks!

Princeton:
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

Gary Coleman:
Well, damn, I guess you're right

Kate Monster:
You're a little bit racist

Gary Coleman:
Well, you're a little bit too

Princeton:
We're all a little bit racist

Gary Coleman:
I think that I would
Have to agree with you

Princeton/Kate Monster:
We're glad you do

Gary Coleman:
It's sad but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist -

All right!

Kate Monster:
All right!

Princeton:
All right!

Gary Coleman:
All right!
Bigotry has never been
Exclusively white

All:
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along

Princeton:
Oh, Christ do I feel good

Gary Coleman:
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

Princeton:
Who?

Gary Coleman:
Jesus Christ

Kate Monster:
But, Gary, Jesus was white

Gary Coleman:
No, Jesus was black

Kate Monster:
No, Jesus was white

Gary Coleman:
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Princeton:
Guys, guysJesus was Jewish!

Brian:
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

Gary Coleman:
Racism!

Brian:
Cool

Christmas Eve:
BRIAN! Come back here!
You take out lecycuraburs!

Princeton:
What's that mean?

Brian:
Um, recyclables
Hey, don't laugh at her!
How many languages do you speak?

Kate Monster:
Oh, come off it, Brian!
Everyone's a little bit racist

Brian:
I'm not!

Princeton:
Oh no?

Brian:
Nope!

How many Oriental wives
Have you got?

Christmas Eve:
What? Brian!

Princeton:
Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!

Christmas Eve:
I know you are no
Intending to be
But calling me Oriental -
Offensive to me!

Brian:
I'm sorry, honey, I love you

Christmas Eve:
And I love you

Brian:
But you're racist, too

Christmas Eve:
Yes, I know
The Jews have all
The money
And the whites have all
The power
And I'm always in taxi-ca
With driver who no shower!

Princeton:
Me too!

Kate Monster:
Me too!

Gary Coleman:
I can't even get a taxi!

All:
Everyone's a little bit racist
It's true
But everyone is just about
As racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC
Maybe we could live in -
Harmony!

Christmas Eve:
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!