Brian:
Princeton!

Princeton:
Yeah

Brian:
Listen, buddy, nobody's seen ya for two weeks
What's up with that?

Princeton:
I went to work for a temp agency, and they
fired me for being too depressing on the phone
I maxed out my cards, I'm two months behind
in rent, I totally messed up my personal life
Oh, and Brian - I still haven't found my purpose!

Brian:
All right Get off your ass and stop worrying!
Everyone's getting together to mess around the city today

Princeton:
Have fun!

Brian:
When I say everyone, that includes you!

There is life outside your apartment
I know it's hard to conceive
But there's life outside your apartment
And you're only gonna see it if you leave

There is cool shit to do,
But it can't come to you,
And who knows, dude
You might even score!

There is life outside your apartment
But you gotta open the door!

Princeton:
No, thanks, I'm staying in!

Brian:
Don't tell me I gotta force you

Princeton:
Sorry!

Brian:
All right, everyone! He's resisting!

All but Princeton:
There is life outside
There is life outside
There is life outside
There is life outside your apartment!
There's a pigeon
Squashed on the street

Christmas Eve:
Ew

Brian:
There's a girl passing by

Nicky:
No I think it's a guy

All but Princeton:
And a homeless man
Who only wants to
Buy something to eat!

Sorry, can't help you

We could go to the zoo!

Trekkie Monster:
Pick up girls at NYU!

Brian:
We could sit in the park smoking pot!

Christmas Eve:
Or not

All but Princeton:
There is life outside your apartment

Princeton:
Well, I guess I'll give it a shot

All:
There is life outside your apartment
I know -
There is life outside your apartment

Voice #1:
I'm gonna jump!

All:
Don't do it!

Voice #1:
Okay

All:
There is cool shit to do
But it can't come to you
So come on -

Voice #2:
Get out of the way asshole!

Princeton:
Fuck you!

All:
There is life outside your apartment
Oh, you never know
What's around the bend
You could win the lotto
Or make a friend

Guys:
Take her home to see your apartment!

Lucy:
Do you wanna feel special?
I can see that you do
Well, I can make you feel
Special
If you let me feel you

Guys:
She'll feel you!

Lucy:
Where's your pad?

Princeton:
Not too far

Guys:
We could call you a car

Princeton:
We'll be fine, thank you! See ya!
Christmas Eve:
Hope you don't get gonorrhea!

All:
There is life outside your apartment

Princeton/Lucy:
But now it's time to go home

All:
There is life outside your apartment

Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now

Princeton/Lucy:
It's time to go home!

Trekkie Monster:
That's where me gonna go!

Lucy:
I can make you feel special

Trekkie Monster:
That's where me gonna go!

All:
There is life outside your apartment

Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now,
That's where me gonna go!

Princeton/Lucy:
But now it's time to go home

Trekkie Monster:
For porn!