"Doctor Long John My dreams are full of Doctor Long John"
I got a dentist who's over seven feet tall
I have a dentist who's over seven feet tall
His name is Doctor Long John
and he answers every call

You know, I went to Long John's office
I said, "Doctor, the pain is killing me"
I went to Long John's office
I said, "Doctor, the pain is killing"
He said, "Don't worry, baby
It's just your cavity needs a little filling"

He took out his trusty drill
Told me to open wide
He said he wouldn't hurt me,
but he filled my whole inside
Long John, Long John, don't you ever go away No
'Cause you thrill me when you drill me,
and I don't need no novocain today

Oh, when he got done drilin' he said,
"Now, Miss Midler, that is going to cost you ten"
"I was prepared to pay twenty"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, when he got done drillin' he said,
"Baby, that's gonna cost you ten
But if it ever starts in to throbbing,
come back and see old Long John
again and again and again and again and again
Oh, yeah Yow!

"Long John
I sold my heart to Doctor Long John and I will never, never be the same
Oh, that's so heavy I just gotta lay back"