This here's a song about the things you don't find in nature
This here's a tale about conditions of the head
At one time I wanted to expand my education but
Now I'll make more money if I dye my hair instead

'Cause I've gotta be more punk, and forget about writing love songs
And even though I'm a middle class white Canadian
God knows I've been done wrong
'Cause I'm a fake punk! I'm a fake punk!
I'll even use a dirty word, I'll even write a mean song,
I'll even take a mean picture
'Cause I've got the hair for it!

I've always tried to dig myself out of the sewer
I've always strived to be a little bit more well-read
But oh no! Here comes that rock press interviewer so,
I'll just look real tough and say fuck a lot instead

I'd be alright if I could just hang out with my girlfriend
I'd be just fine if they would close down all the bars
And maybe one day I'll join a protest against smoking
But when it comes to sincere angst you can just
Leave me the fuck alone!