Misery
Misery sings at the Hilton
Steps into the purple spotlight
Leans into the microphone
Misery
Sways his hips and smooths his hair back
Winks at you and gets you thinking
He is handsome from a certain angle
Happiness
Slips in and takes a seat
At a table in the corner
And watches you with real concern, yeah
Happiness
Walks up and taps your shoulder and says
"Call me when you wanna come back home"

Misery
Woos you when his show is over
Buys you drinks and keeps you laughing
While he's looking down your shirt
Misery
Says, "I believe in destiny"
Says, "Destiny says brought us together"
Says, "Who's that asshole in the corner?"
Happiness
Doodles on a cocktail napkin
And waits for you to figure out
That you should really lose this loser
And Happiness
Smiles a sympathetic smile that says
"Call me when you wanna come back home"

Misery
Says, "Oh I know life can be too hard to bear sometimes,
Yeah"
Misery
Says, "So why don't we go get a room upstairs
'Cos I never disappoint"

Misery
Says, "Hey baby where you going?
I thought we had an understanding
You shouldn't really lead me on like that"
Misery
Says, "Well lady I know your kind
You'll settle down with someone boring
And then you will come looking for me"
And Happiness
Says, says, "Misery leave her alone
'Cos I know you get your share of girls
But I prefer a full-grown woman"
Happiness
Says, "Honey you know the number
Call me when you wanna come back home
Call me when you wanna come back home to me
Call me when you wanna come back home"