Susan: Don't shout grouchy Oscar don't shout
That's not what our singing's about
So if you can't take
The noise that we make
Go back to your trashcan and pout

All: Ooooh, ABC, 123, pigs in a tree
Don't ever sit on a woodpecker's knee
ABC, 123 fiddle-dum-dee-deee
Come on and sing-along with me

Bob: (Hey, I got one!)

Various voices urge him to share

Bob: A furry blue monster named Herry

Herry: (Hey, that's me!)

Bob: When asked "Are you strong?" replied "Very!"
Then just for a laugh
He tore 3 cars in half
Now I ask "Is that necessary?"

All: Oooooh, ABC, 123, pigs in a tree
Don't ever sit on a woodpecker's knee
ABC, 123 fiddle-dum-dee-deee
Come on and sing-along with me

The Count: (Oh, I have one!)

85 bats hanging in the steeple
One bat flies in through the door
That makes 86

(splash sound)

Ernie: (Sorry everybody, I have one!)

Bert: (Do you have a towel, Ernie?)

Ernie: (No, Bert, I have a verse)

Bert: (Oh no)

Ernie: (It goes like this)
You all know our good buddy Bert

Bert: (oh no)

Ernie: Whose feelings are easily hurt
When his friends all play dressup, ol' Bert has to fess up

Bert: Yeah, I'm always the one in the skirt ( and I don't like it)

All: Ooooooh, ABC, 123, pigs in a tree
Don't ever sit on a woodpecker's knee
ABC, 123 fiddle-dum-dee-deee
Come on and sing-along with me

Bert: (Excuse me, I have one) (various voices urge him on) (Yeah, you'll love it, it's really groovy Ahem)
There once was a man named McDowell
Who planted a tree with a trowel
Then he got in a shower, where he stayed for an hour
and said - "SOMEBODY GIVE ME A TOWEL!!"

All: Ooooooh, ABC, 123, pigs in a tree
Don't ever sit on a woodpecker's knee
ABC, 123 fiddle-dum-dee-deee
Come on and sing-along with me
Come on and sing-along with me

At the end of the original record is heard this cute exchange:

Ernie: Okay, you can turn it over now

Herry: Sure thing, Ernie

(sound of piano crashing)

Ernie: Herry! Not the piano! The record! Turn over the record!

Herry (meekly): Sorry