I'm not really in love with anyone
But sometimes I like to pretend
That Hayley G Hoover is my girlfriend
She lives all the way over in America
And we don't share the same political views
But as far as hypothetical girlfriend's go
She'll do

Hayley G Hoover is sucking up my heart
She'll store it in a flask and she'll keep it forever
Hayley G hoover, she is quite a mover
Her videos are good
And if after hearing this song you're considering going and watching them
Then I reckon you should

I met her IRL one time
And she was pretty nice
But when I meet her in my mind
She does much more than just suffice
She's the perfect woman more or less
Though less is more but I digress
She's the perfect girl for me
Though, not really

Hayley G Hoover is hoovering up my love
And she'll store it just above where she put my heart
Hayley G Hoover she's cuter than a goofer
Her videos are neat
And if after hearing this song you're considering going and watching them
Then then that'd be greet

Hayley G Hoover (Hayley G Hoover)
Hayley G Hoover (Hayley G Hoover)
Hayley G Hoover (Hayley G Hoover)

And I know that I'm not Bo Burnham but I hope I'll do
'Cause I want to spend all of my days
Fantasising quietly and you and me and me and you
The Wine Kone's got nothing on me
I'm a bigger creep than he'll ever be
Because I want you inside of me
Though I only mean that mentally

I'm not really in love with anyone
But sometimes I like to pretend
That Hayley G Hoover is my girlfriend