Well, I've fucked 'em all from Coast to Coast
Well you can talk about your lovers and your back door pimps
You can talk about your hollywood Fags

If you want to know the best love in the world then I'm the best mother-fucker alive
Jackie Onassis was a snuff queen for me before she ever got rich
And it would take a man a day and a half just to satisfy that bitch

Why the Queen of England gave me the keys to the whole damn Country of France
And it only took me 15 minutes to get into her pants

Well, I've fucked 'em all from Coast to Coast, cause honey, that's my bag

Fact, I'm the only guy in the world who can make Linda Lovelace Gag

doot doot doot duh

Now it ain't that my dick's so goddamn big, it's just that I know how to use
I'll never let no nickle-dime whore ever get the chance to abuse it
They can suck it for hours and hours on end, but I'll still be in control
And I won't cum 'til I wanna cum, cause that's my jelly-roll

Now they're ain't no woman, no match for me, I've had 'em try to wear me down
I've fucked them barmaids, and bankclerks, I even fucked a circus clown
Teachers and Lawyers doctors and more, them fat women sure are a drag,

I tell you I'm the only motherfucker in the world that can make Linda Lovelace gag

Well, old Harry Reams fall apart at the seams when he saw me fuck that whore
She sucked my dick and swallowed my nuts, and I still hollered for more
She sucked my asshole, she sucked my toes, she's the suckinest bitch alive
I made her call up two more cunts, and friend that at no jive

She don't give me no shit about being no big time lover
Some movie star with a jag
Cause you ain't shit
If you can't get Linda lovelace to gag

And don't talk about being no full-time lover, cause mister, that's my bag

I'm the only motherfucker in the damn world that can make Linda Lovelace gag

doot doot doot