Peter: They will clean up all your talking in a menace such as this
Brian: They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a p*ss
Stewie: And they'll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss
Peter, Brian, & Stewie: It's the plain situation!
There's no negotiation!
Peter: With the fellas at the freakin FCC!

Brian: They're as stuffy as the stuffiest of the special interest groups
Peter: Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops
Stewie: Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops!
Peter, Brian, & Stewie: Take a tip, take a lesson!
You'll never win by messin'
Peter: With the fellas at the freakin' FCC

Peter: And if you find yourself with some you sexy thing
You're gonna have to do her with your ding-a-ling
(Cuz you can't say penis)

Peter: So they sent this little warning they're prepared to do thier worst
Brian: And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be co-erced
Stewie: I can think of quite another place they should have stuck it first!

Peter, Brian, & Stewie: They may just be neurotic
Or possible psychotic
They're the fellas at the freakin FCC!