Well, I've had a splittin' headache from my eyebrows to my backbone
Arthritis appendicitis brights disease and gall stones
Bleedin' ulcers ingrown toe nails swollen adenoids
The Asian flu a time or two and inflamed vocal chords
I've had a toothache so severe my jawbone split in two
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you

Well, I've had the lit end of a cigar pressed against my belly
Whupped on with a crowbar till my eyeball turned to jelly
Accident'ly nailed my index finger to the wall
Cut off half my toes and soaked my foot in alcohol
I've had my pelvis ruptued by an angry kangaroo
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you

Well, it's not because you measure fifty, twenty, forty-four
It's surely not because you own a chain of liquor stores
It's not because your daddy is the richest man in town
It's just that I've grown used to you and having you around

I've had my parents tell me son we don't love you at all
I've seen my sister's name written on a washroom wall
My best friend set my barn on fire burned my horse to death
I went out with a girl who told me that I had bad breath
Last week I drew a crowd when I went to the city zoo
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you

Well, I've had a splittin' headache from my eyebrows to my backbone
Arthritis appendicitis brights disease and gall stones
Bleedin' ulcers ingrown toe nails swollen adenoids
The Asian flu a time or two and inflamed vocal chords
I've had a toothache so severe my jawbone split in two
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you