My house burned down in a flash of thunder.
My wife ran off with a one-legged plumber.
My crops fell dead when the riverbed went dry.
My dog got squashed by a pickup truck.
My son ran away and got hooked on drugs.
My daughter's knocked up by the class of '85.

People say that life is good;
It don't seem good to me.
I'm lost without a paddle,
And I'm headed up shit creek.
People say that life is fun,
But I don't know why.
As far as I can tell,
LIFE SUCKS then you die.

The government dumps its toxic waste
Right on top of my mother's grave.
A team of experts say it won't do her no harm.
But my sheep went crazy and killed my mule.
I cut off my dick with a power tool
Fixin' the hole where the meteor hit the barn.
(And it hurt, too!)

People say that life is good,
But I just piss and moan.
I got one foot on a banana peel,
The other in the Twilight Zone.
People say that life is fun,
But I don't know why.
As far as I can tell,
LIFE SUCKS then you die.

Let me hear some "yee-hah"s out there!

I went to the store to buy some shells.
My gun went off and blew the owner to hell.
Now I'm sittin' here in jail, singin' this song.
And one guy wants to cut me with a knife.
Another guy wants me to be his wife.
Hey, I wish they'd hang me before somethin' really goes wrong!

People say that life is good,
Give thanks for what you have.
When all you have is nothin',
Nothin' makes you glad.
People say that life is fun,
But I don't know why.
As far as I can tell,
LIFE SUCKS, then you die.
I said, people say that life is fun,
But I don't know why.
As far as I can tell,
LIFE SUCKS,
LIFE SUCKS
LIFE SUCKS, then you die.