Everybody always liked Johnny's mother
Everybody always thought that she was so cool
Everybody went over to her friend's one day
She had no choice, but to eat it,

And wow! What a time we had!
She had to do the Crab Dance
Wow! What a time we had!
She had to do the Crab Dance

Well, she really thought that she was going to make it
So, she moved out to HOLLYWOOD
She went out to become an actress
She got down to take it,

And wow! What a time we had!
She had to do the Crab Dance
And wow! What a time we had!
She had to do the Crab Dance

Well, she really thought that she was going to make it
She sped straight down to the bottom
Writhing in circles down there
Making a film about HOLLYWOOD!

And wow! What a time we had!
She had to do the Crab Dance
And wow! What a time we had!
She had to do the Crab Dance

But, she really thought that she was gonna make it
But, bright are the lights of HOLLYWOOD!
Loud are the shouts of HOLLYWOOD!
And all the choices are taken,

(3-dimensional guitar solo by Kid Congo Powers)

Everybody always like Johnny's mother
Everybody watches her show everyday
From somewhere near Champaign, Illinois
We all got down to take it!

And wow! What a time we had!
She had to do the Crab Dance
Wow! What a time we had!
She had to do the Crab Dance

She really had to do it
She didn't have a choice
To do the Crab Dance
To do the Crab Dance

Well, you torn your dress, your face is a mess
You can get enough a
You got a transmission and a live wire
To do the Crab Dance
To do the Crab Dance

Well, Crab Dancing! Crab Dancing!