Lumpy, chunky, smells kinda funky Addicted to the sickness I'm a toe jam junkie Pull it out your toes, not out of your behind Toe cheese goes well with a fine w...

Yes me, I'm the man with too much time on my hands I sell tapes even though there's almost no demand I write rhymes even though none of my rhymes sell I take sh...

My generation has been labeled with a big ol' X Along with it came a stigma of a big ol' hex That we're all into all kinds of self mutilation Body piercing, tat...

Well Tally ho! Yippy ki-yi-ya! Narf! Zort! Let's burn the ship and throw the kids overboard I'm bored (I'm bored) I need something to do How 'bout we go free al...

{*a parody of Ludacris' song "Area Codes"* [Chorus] I got probed! I got probed aboard a UFO (U-F) UFO (Oh!) Probed, proohhhhbed aboard a UFO (U-F) UFO (Oh!) ...

(parody of "Around The Way Girl" by LL Cool J) I want a girl with gravitational pull Big as a cow, but not mean as a bull A couple chins and a big behind That'...

I got a special talent that I love to share When I'm home or goin' out I pollute the air You can always tell where I have been and when 'Cause a lot of people n...

(parody of "Move The Crowd" by Eric B and Rakim) Standing in my bedroom suddenly I had this Feeling like I ate an anvil and had to pass it So I just can't stan...

I'm in a Brain Dead state now my mind is a blank slate The matter in my head is as useful as a beefcake Walk around dazed for days at a time My brain begins to ...

(parody of "Slam" by Onyx) [chorus] Bran! Duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh For when you're stuck! Bran! Duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh Diarrhea!! C'mon have another one, t...

There ain't nothin' to do in my home town So I grab my remote and I plant myself down Suckin' down cheese balls by the pound Gonna watch TV till my brain melts ...

[Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death] I'm being haunted by the ghosts of dead rappers from both coasts Puttin out albums long after they've decomposed So their lyrics ...

Are you ready for the terror of a lifetime Lock all your windows, stay in the house at night time Comin' to your home from the sewers They came from outter spac...

If a tree falls down and nobody is around Then does it really make a sound But if the mafia kills someone and doesn't get caught Is the person really dead? I t...

(parody of "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice) [chorus] Dice Dice Baby Dice Dice Baby He can't stop, can he be clean? Never Dice is back and he's hornier than eve...

I was walkin' through the mall headin' to the record store Gonna buy a new tape that came out the day before Halfway there when I got a big scare There's a guy ...

(parody of "Jump" by Kris Kross) [chorus] Dump! Dump! My bedroom is such a Dump! Dump! I like livin' in a Dump! Dump! I can't help it it's a Dump! Dump! Uh-hu...

{*a parody of Method Man's song "All That I Need"* They all will bleed and then die, a-aahh Jason's a guy that you really oughtta watch for To him you ain't n...

Oh no, there they go another herd of elephants With big fat legs in tight black pants And an image of themselves that can't be clear 'Cause it's obvious they ai...

(parody of "Jinglin' Baby" by LL Cool J) I call you every day, we go out every night I hope we'll be together for the rest of our lives People spread gossip, j...

I've been growin' my cactus since birth and I'll tell you that It's even more fun to have than a Chia Pet Fun's just begun, when I take it off the shelf I play ...

{*a parody of the Fat Boys' song "Fat Boys"* Frat boys Frat boys Now we may be inebriated, and somewhat dum But I'll tell you one thing, we can surely come To...

Now get back, give me slack from the entonement pit 'Cause the Sudden Death-Honeynut conglomerate Is fuelin' the fire for the monster jam I'm movin' the masses ...

Pain supreme, keep the open cut clean But only where there's hair otherwise it doesn't count But even if there's not an open cut anywhere Put a band-aid on, pul...

{*a parody of 2Pac's song "California Love"* Halitosis Hurts everybody Your halitosis Is ungodly It's amazing how bad you smell It's amazing I'm still alive It...

[Chorus] I got a hangnail! What! Got a hangnail! What! Got a hangnail like you just wouldn't believe I got a hangnail! What! Got a hangnail! What! Got a hangna...

One two for my crew, three fo' for the dough that I'm Makin', five six seven for the lives that I'm Takin', eight nine ten for my singers Start over at one beca...

Hold on to your lunch 'cause the Sudden Death bunch Is buggin' in my basement comin' up with a crunch That settles in your stomach runs it all around Till it sp...

(parody of "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd) Step outside, take off your coat You got me so mad I wanna slit your throat You puked on my food spilled food...

Get dragged to places I don't wanna go I stand around all day and then you know I fall alseep standing up and hit my face on the floor I'm bored Sitting in a p...

Hey big boy, ooh, you're lookin' fine I like your little mustache and your cute behind What the hell are you talking about? Yeah, I like guys who go the other r...

(parody of "Perfection" by Run-DMC) Infection's my job, I must be valiant I'm a germ that was born with a natural talent I enter your body then I put up a figh...

Filet Mignon, by candlelight Near the fireplace so late at night Soft music in the back and the record don't skip Gonna serve you like a waiter but I don't want...

[Verse One: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death] All of my life I've been called a geek A loser, a dweeb and a side-show freak All the other kids picked on me quite a ...

God damn, why don't you get a life I know beauty is only skin deep, you're right But ugly goes down to the bone So how's your love life, still holdin' your own?...

{*a parody of Wyclef Jean's song "We're Trying to Stay Alive"* Kicked in the balls! Looki-looki-lookin' sharp on a Saturday night Hangin' out with my friends ...

And here's the hottest rap group since Vanilla Ice Here's The Polar Bears singing 'Let's Do It' Hello baby, do you know me I'm the freshest MC that could ever ...

(parody of "Regulate" by Warren G and Nate Dogg) Masturbators We'll masturbate with anything we can get our hands on From Victoria's Secret Catalogs to Archie ...

(parody of "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot) I feel sick and I just might die And I honestly don't know why But when my doc walked in with a huge seringe And a...

Living in the dead zone, my foreplay Takes place in the land where cadavers decay Every Friday night I go out to the necropolis And take my situation to the max...

{*a parody of Fat Joe's song "My Lifestyle"* [Tom Rockwell] Uhh yeah Jersey baby! Welcome to Jersey, ya heard? Yeah, uh! Can't even pump your own gas here! Yo...

{*a parody of Sir Mix-A-Lot's song "Iron Man"* You can come and see my band, as I command Heavy metal rhythms from a middle aged man Smack my doggies when they...

(parody of "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio) As I walk through Las Vegas oh this city is def I take a look in my wallet and realize there's nothing left 'Cause I...

(parody of "Wicked" by Ice Cube) 1, 2, 3, 4 fingers and I pick it Put my whole hand up my nose when I pick it Out, wave it about Then I just pass it around lik...

(parody of "OPP" by Naughty By Nature) PMS, I just can't take it, it's like an earthquake It takes over her emotions and then breaks it P is for Pre, M is for ...

(parody of "Pop Goes The Weasel" by 3rd Bass) Pop goes the pop goes the oozin' of the pimple The scar'll leave and artificial dimple You got a face full of jel...

{*a parody of the 50 Cent song "Wanksta"*} [Intro] OK, who's next? Hi, My name's Jason And I'm going to sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow OK Go for it (Really ba...

I'm here praying to the Porcelain God, oh my God I'm gonna puke What's the use, now my body's made of juice And it's all gonna fly out my mouth you know why Bec...

The girl has got a hole kinda like the Grand Canyon No there ain't a jimmy that the jenny would abandon Doesn't matter, short, fat, thin, wide Jumps up, spreads...

Dave: "Are you ready, Sherman?" Sherman: "Yeah, sure, Dave" Dave: "Are you ready, Bob?" Bob: "Yeah, whatever, Dave" Dave: "Are you ready, Melvin? Melvin, MELVIN...

We started, fell apart, then we started it again 'Cause my heart was still alive so I strived to comprehend Why the songs seemed to die, before long the dream c...

(parody of "Bawitaba" by Kid Rock) [chorus]: Foot to the floor, get out the way, ziggin' zaggin' Ziggin' through the traffic and up goes the finger Get out of...

Look into my headlights, stand there frozen Hit 'em and the impact of the car explodes 'em Gizzards of lizzards decorate the road While amphibians create Road T...

I'm gonna show you how I flow, here we go, are you ready? To be taken to a land made of suit and confetti Where logic is illogical and often times fought Yes, I...

At home, Friday night, and I'm checkin' out the Playboy Channel But it might be too much for me to handle "?Cause I start to drool as she's gettin' undressed I ...

(parody of "Jump Around" by House Of Pain) Pump it up, stick it in, let me begin I came and went now I live a life of sin It starts with the neighbor, she does...

{*a parody of The Fugees' song "Killing Me Softly"* Numbing my brain with that singer Echoes for days in my head Killing me slowly with this song Killing me sl...

In a store full of heath food you buy the crap Twenty little fixes of cancer in a pack With a college tuition's worth of taxes placed on 'em all Russian Roulett...

{*a parody of BDP's song "South Bronx"* Many people tell me this show is pathetic But when it comes on I shake like a diabetic TV tunes in and my brain tunes o...

{*a parody of Jay-Z's song "Hard Knock Life"* [Chorus] It's a Star Trek life for us It's a Star Trek life for us! Steadda work-outs, feed my gut Steadda drivi...

[Verse One: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death] I took a look at the state of hip-hop, and it made my jaw drop Ccause it's mostly just sloppy pop I've watched the qua...

{*a parody of Prazwell's song "Ghetto Superstar"* [Chorus] We are superfriends, fighting 'til the end With the Wonder Twins, yes we always win Come along with...

That's how I like it, hardcore hip hop Bassdrum kickin' so the party don't stop In the music that you hear comin' out the box I want bass that growls and a rhyt...

Mr Long is a man unique in his kind He's a Chinese superhero in his own mind He thinks he's a sex god, he rarely has a date Mr Long is a man traumatized by fate...

Sittin' at home doin' nothing in particular Watchin' TV legs crossed perpendicular Tryin' real hard to retain my sanity When in walks the reason I gave up on hu...

Thank you for your money and I thank you for your call Now let me gaze deep into my crystal ball And see what the future has in store for you I gotta concentrat...

Back in the game though I never really left Givin' more of the same somethin' funny somethin' def Lot of rotting in my brain and there isn't much left Spice is ...

Marky Mark- (No talent sell-out punk), Mall Survey People- (See: "Do You Piss in the Shower?"), Catherine Blossom- (She is the person at Toad's in New Haven wh...

I was at a club, sittin' with my friends Watchin' all the girls as they walked on through She came from behind put her hands on my eyes In a very soft voice, sh...

Fruit of the Loom, Calvin Klein No matter what the underwear goes up your behind Buy what size you want, the underwear don't stop Climin' up your butt for an em...