The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is finding a Christmas tree The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Angry husband: Riggin...

The problem is all inside our bed, she said to me. But, the answer is easy if you practice orally. You must enhance your foreplay conilingually. There must be 5...

7-11 (Mark Davis) (Stairway To Heaven - Led Zeppelin) There's a lady who goes To the store that won't close And she's shopping at 7 Eleven Down the aisle she ...

Twas' the fright before Christmas No one upset me With a big bowl of popcorn, watching TV I stretched, gave a yawn, settled back in my chair In hopes that St N...

Addicted To Butts (Addicted To Love - Robert Palmer) You hack and gag You cough and wheeze You climb the stairs On hands and knees Your heart pounds Your teeth...

Elves, elves, elves Elves, elves, elves Elves, elves, elves Santa doesn't shop at Toys "R" Us Doesn't have to fight the Christmas rush He's never out of stock ...

Another Kick In The Balls (Another Brick In The Wall-Pink Floyd) We don't need no contraception We don't need no birth control No prophylactics on the penis Pe...

Asshole Son (Black Hole Sun-Soundgarden) In his eyes I'm full grown Twenty-nine and still at home Raid the fridge Feed my face I'm the son that's a disgrace L...

Back In A US Made Car (Back In The USSR-Beatles) Ohhh Used to drive a Honda C-I-V-I-C Didn't sleep a wink at night Auto-workers laid-off in Detroit last week M...

And she'll say she'll Make you feel allright And she'll say she'll love you More than life Like a living fairy tale You've got to believe her So behold The grea...

Goodbye to all my friends I've known And the travel agent I trusted I'm riding along on this beat-up old plane; Look out the window All the rivets are rusted A...

Goodbye to all my friends I've known And the travel agents I trusted I'm riding along in this beat up old plane Look out the window, all the rivits are rusted T...

Beers In Heaven (Tears In Heaven-Eric Clapton) Won't it be a shame If there's no beers in Heaven? Is God the one to blame If there's no beers in Heaven? I mus...

Hey kids have you see Osama We haven't heard a thing Since he telephoned his mama We checked his favorite cave, he didn't stick around We're gonna have to sen...

I was a little too stuffed, had to lose a few pounds, Pants too tight, seams bustin' out Just had a big burrito with beans and rice, Salsa on top, with some ext...

(Riders On The Storm - Doors) Burgers on the grill Burgers on the grill I've really had my fill Of burgers on the grill When the relatives go home I'm stuck wi...

(Convoy - CW McCall) ('Well, hello, Mickey17 here') ('I'm uh, 17 years old') ('Yeah, tall, blonde hair, blue eyes People tell me I look like one of the Backstr...

Cheney's Got A Gun (Jamie's Got A Gun-Aerosmith) Dick Cheyney's got a gun Dick Cheyney's got a gun The safety's come undone Squinting in the Texas sun What di...

is finding a Christmas tree The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me rigging up the lights, and finding a Christmas tree The third thing at Christ...

Fat and docile, big and dum They look so stupid, they aren't much fun Cows aren't fun They eat to grow, grow to die Die to be et at the hamburger fry Cows well...

Dark Side Of Naboo (Dark Side Of The Moon/Eclipse-Pink Floyd) The Jedi knights are on the glass You get one free when pumping gas There's Jar-Jar Binx and rub...

I'd like to see the coyote eat the road runner And I'd like to see Kneievel blown to bits I love to see Rex Humbard lay his hands upon Molly Bea But I'd love to...

I was a little too stuffed Had to lose a few pounds Pants too tight, seams busting out Just had a big burritto with beans and rice With salsa on top, and some e...

Dr Jack Was a quack Named Kevorkian And he worked In a shack Up in Michegan If you're sick Dr Jack Doesn't make you healthy If you're practically Dead, he could...

Please, Dont put out this turd. It's a piece of crap to me Can hardly hear the words... Whatever happened to, the rights to Love me Do? We made Michael Jackson...

Frosty the pervert in a trench coat he did go to a the school yard to expose his dick and balls made of snow frosty the pervert all the kids he liked to watch ...

I'm getting fatter all the time I used to be size 32 and I never gave My jeans used to fit, I looked cool Now I'm not the same Put on a few pounds, my shape's g...

Yo Yo Jingle bells, jingle bells, jinglin' all the way Oh what fun it is to ride from Detroit to East LA Is this a white Christmas, Hell no my man, I'm leavin...

(Hello, I Love You - Doors) Hello I love you Lets get tested for AIDS You know I trust you But you can't tell these days Hello I love you Lets get tested for A...

Hamster #1: Did you hear that? Hamster #2: Hey everybody, Santa's here! Hamster #3: Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus. Hamster #2: There is, too! Hamsters: He'...

And now, I'm going to do a song with great social and political influence it goes like this Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Honda Accord Mercedes insurance I cannot...

Lately all the songs I write Are slow and on the mellow side I used to stand on MTV, But now they bring a chair for me Let me get a tube of ointment Let's rub...

Ho ho ho ho ho Flying Through the snow Can you hear him ho ho ho He's so full of cheer only has to work one day a year Children in their beds Visions of sugar...

I Can't Ski Babe (I Got You Babe - Sonny & Cher) Since he was young he loved the slopes Sonny loved careening through the snow Well I don't ski well, you know ...

I Love Your Breasts The Way They Are ( I Love You Just The Way You Are-Billy Joel) Don't go padding your bra to please me You never had much chest before mmmm ...

I Shot The White House (I Shot The Sherrif - Eric Clapton) I shot the White House But I did not hit the President I shot the White House But I did not hit the ...

You loved us when the band was hot And now we're gonna give it one more shot We're gettin' old, We must be crazy We're puttin' on the makeup again It covers up ...

You loved us when the band was hot And now we're gonna give it one more shot We're gettin' old, We must be crazy We're puttin' on the makeup again It covers up...

I'm a Weight Watcher, I'm a Weight Watcher, Watchin' food go by My, my, my I'm a Weight Watcher, I'm a plate watcher Here comes a cream pie Mmmm, mmm, mmm I was...

I'm dressin' up like Santa Claus on Christmas As soon as I can get out on parole I'll hang out on your street Your kids I'd love to meet As soon as I get out of...

(It's In His Kiss, Shoop Shoop Song - Betty Everett) Is he drug-free? I wanna know How can I tell If he's strung out on dope? (Is it bloodshot eyes? ) Oh no he...

Its the most fattening time of the year With that pumpkin pie filling And everyone swilling down eggnog and beer Its the most fattening time of the year Its the...

[Bob Rivers:] Yo, yo [Girl as Dina Rae:] Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingling all the way Oh what fun it is to ride Grab your coat, you'll sleep in late [Bob...

Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Like Guns N Roses with Axel Rose spittin' Ozzie's black eyes and the bats that he's bitten Big Marshall stacks and a broken E-string These ar...

In the dead of night A shimmewin' wight Gweem of a bwade And dah devew was paid When dah axe comes down A chiwin' sound Steew against dah head Anothaw wabbit's ...

Not another Long Distance Company, Always calling to save me dough "How's your savings?" "Ours go farther!" "We can switch you, you just say so" Call your mothe...

Was he a saint? Was he a worm? She's telling lies That's what I heard NBC's pissed He's bringing them down His cannibal kiss Is all over town In his room at nig...

We fell in love with Princess Di in '82 The press was fast at graphing everything she'd do They tracked her everywhere from here to Timbuktu Oh-a oh They took t...

(Baba O'Riley - The Who) I eat Mrs Fields I snack between meals You can see my crack above my Levis I don't need to diet To prove I'm light And I don't peel th...

-Welcome to BurgerDoodle, can I have your order please? -Oh yes I'd like a Spiffy Burger with low fat cheese and an order of seasoned curly fries but only if th...

Got a flat in Timbuktu Waiting for AAA And I saw that single headlight through the rain Flagged the geezer in the car down, He was going the wrong way We sped a...

BOB RIVERS - O COME ALL YE GRATEFUL DEADHEADS O come, all ye Grateful, Deadheads to the concert O come, Grateful Deadheads, And camp in the street Bring rolling...

BOB RIVERS - O COME ALL YE GRATEFUL DEADHEADS O come, all ye Grateful, Deadheads to the concert O come, Grateful Deadheads, And camp in the street Bring rolling...

He likes to set up colored people He likes to frame the colored people Officer Fuhrman driving through Brentwood At night with a glove in his bag, his evidence...

OJ, OJ OJ, I think you did it But I wanna know for sure You expect people to believe that there are people actually playing golf at ten o' clock at night? Ya wa...

(Horse With No Name - America) In the aftermath of the jihad We were looking for lowlife scum There were bombs and guns In caves and things But Osama must have...

Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of money mon mon mon Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of Money mon mon mon mon We got to find a pokemon Before it's Christmas Eve The kids must...

I bet you're wondering how I knew That Prince Charles and Lady Di were through Was waiting in line at the grocery store Took a peek at the dirt about Demi Moore...

BOB RIVERS COMEDY CORP - THE RESTROOM DOOR SAID "GENTLEMEN" The restroom door said "Gentlemen," so I just walked inside I took two scents and realized I was tak...

Dashing through the snow In my rusty Chevrolet Down the road I go, Sliding all the way I need new piston rings I need some new snow tires My car is held togethe...

Shoppin' around for a Christmas tree At the grocery parking lot Every thing over 4 foot 3 Is 'bout hundred bucks a pop Schlepin' around for a Christmas tree And...

(Can't Touch This - MC Hammer) You shouldn't touch this You better not touch it hu-hu Gonna' touch it anyway Cuz' it feels good ha-ha My name is Pee-Wee Herma...

Station Mir to ground control Station Mir to anyone Send a rescue ship and bring our asses home Station Mir to ground control Systems broke down, engines gone E...

Station Mir to ground control Station Mir to anyone Send a rescue ship and bring our asses home Station Mir to ground control Systems broke down, engines gone E...

(Spinning Wheel - Blood, Sweat & Tears) Rod goes up Line goes out Spinning reel Fishing for trout Casting toward the bubbles and you reel it in Hook a speckled...

Jingle Bell Rock Parody (Suck on my cock) Stroke on my, lick on my, suck on my cock, It's the first time for you, so here's what you do, Unzip me, and strip me,...

there's something stuck up in the chimney and i don't know what it is but it's been there all night long well, i waited up for santa all christmas night but he ...

The restroom door said gentleman so I just walked inside, I took two steps and realized I've been taken for a ride I heard high voices, turned and found the pla...

If you look up in the sky On the night before Christmas There's a big fat guy with a Toy sack Toy sack yeah yeah It's squeezing down through your fireplace Chri...

"Lacey things, the wife is missing Didn't ask, for her permission I'm wearing her clothes, Her silk panty hose Walking around in women's underwear In the store,...

It's worse than Disco It's worse that Achy Breaky Fever Too This is L A M E If I gotta hear this stupid little song again I'll die But it's on next to me I don...

Station Mir to ground control Station Mir to anyone Send a rescue ship and bring our asses home Station Mir to ground control Systems broke down, engines gone E...

If God had long hair, and a goatee And if His eyes were pretty glazed If He looked spaced out, Would you buy his story? Would you believe He had an eye infectio...

When a man loves a chicken He can't keep his mind on nothin' else, He stay in the barn for the good thing he's found If he is henpecked he can't see it; she can...

I'd like to find the guy Who done me wrong And stuck my butt up On this Christmas tree Who put the stump In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump? Who took and jammed it In ...

BOB RIVERS COMEDY CORP - WRECK THE MALLS Wreck the malls this Christmas season Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la; Blow your cash for no good reason Fa-la-la-la-la, La...

Wrong foot amputated Wrong foot amputated He got the wrong foot amputated The doctor had compassion he tried to cure my disease I was sweating on the way to th...

Oh, the weather outside was whitening "?Til the dog did something frightening He's got no other place to go Yellow snow, yellow snow, yellow snow And he doesn'...

you say i treat you like a bookon a shelf i dont take you out that often cuz i know that i completed you and that is why you are here that is the reason you st...