never put your hat on the bed, son, never put your hat on the bed
cuz if your hat's on the bed you might wake up dead
so don't ya never put ya hat on the bed
and if you do be sure it's upside down, son, if you do be sure it's upside down
cuz if there's any doubt, it keeps the luck from runnin' out
so if you do be sure it's upside down
never throw a match when it's dry, son, never throw a match when it's dry
don't you never throw a match cuz the grass might catch
and burn three counties when it's dry

always keep an edge on yr knife, son, always keep an edge on yr knife
cuz a good sharp edge is a man's best hedge against the vague uncertainties of life
yes, a good sharp edge is a man's best hedge against the uncertain vagaries of life
but i never could sharpen no knife, like the one who gave the advice
and I never could sharpen no blade, quite the way he sayed

yodel-ay

never sell the old 22, son, never sell the old 22
cause the old 22's shot a gopher or two
so don'tcha never sell the old 22
aim it to the left, a little low, son, aim it to the left, a little low
cuz the old iron sight fires high and to the right
so aim it to the left, a little low
always tip the glass when you pour son, always tip the glass when you pour
cuz if you don't tip the glass, well the foam, it comes fast
and runs from the table to the floor

always put your horse away dry, son, always put your horse away dry
cuz a hot, wet horse ain't healthy of course
so always put your horse away dry
and be sure to thaw the bit when it's cold, son, be sure to thaw the bit when it's cold
cuz if you don't thaw the bit then your pony's tongue sticks
to the frozen, metal bridle when it's cold
never judge a man by his clothes, son, never judge a man by his clothes
you gotta look through the dirt and, lord, judge him by his work
don'tcha never judge a man by his clothes