Take off your mink coat, take off your muff
Get on the table and show us your stuff
Right here next to me
I'm a fat old man, sweatin' and huffin'
A gin in my hand and your pretty little muffin
Right here next to me

Just don't feed me with no tube
Or change my dirty diaper
If I'm back at mommy's boo
Call in the frickin' snipers
And just shoot me, baby

Stuff me in the cracks, Stuff me
In the toilet, sweetie, put me in the trash
But be next to me
Send me to my room, hold me down
And spank me, use the wooden spoon
But be next to me

Just don't feed me with no tube
Or change my dirty diaper
If I'm back at Mommy's boo
Call in the frickin' snipers
And just shoot me, baby

Dip me in the river
You'll never wash my dirt away
Rip out my liver, baby
But be next to me