What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now?
He'd make a plan, and he'd follow through,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do!

When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics
Skating for the gold,
He two Salchows and a triple Lutz
Wearing a blindfold

When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
Fighting grizzly bears,
He used his magical fire breath
And saved the maidens fair

So what would Brian Boitano do
If he was here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an arse or two,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do!

When Brian Boitano travelled through time
To the year 3010,
He fought the evil robot king
And saved us all again

And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids,
He beat up Kubla Khan,
'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody!

No, Brian! Those chicken wings are really spicy! Don't eat those!

I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!

Brian Boitano was born
On the planet of Kryluck
He came to earth to save us all
From war and death and such!

Hi de lo de hi de lay!
Brian Boitano's here!
So round up all your lasses,
And tell them to have no fear!

Say, come over here my honey,
And you're gonna take off my pants,
And I'm gonna make dirty love to you,
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!