I have this problem with my toe
And so I call my HMO
With a referral from
My primary care physician
They say my call matters to them
Theyre like an old and trusted friend
Except friends dont make you ask
Them for permission

The recording on the phone
Says Leave your message at the tone
Tell us your name, your age,
Your reason for submission
So I describe my nail ingrown,
Wax poetic on the phone
This is a metaphor
For the whole human condition
Tender
Sensitive
Painful

And now Im listening to Brahms
(music to keep the caller calm),
Starting to see things from
The stockholders perspective
Should I stop thinking of myself
While they are managing my health?
While an accountant finds a treatment
Thats cost-effective

Hallelujah, I rejoice!
Is this a living human voice
talking to me
Like Im a sweet, annoying female?
I plead my best bureaucratese
I would be down upon my knees
Cept Id be leaning
on this poor, throbbing toenail
Painful
Purple
Festering

As for my coverage, they say no
This is a pre-existing toe
My policy excludes
All things pre-existing
So if I want the claim approved
The toe will have to be removed
Which they believe may keep
The problem from persisting

This makes my doctor quite irate
Why should he have to amputate?
In his opinion this condition could
Be better handled
And as for meI dont know
Id kinda like to keep the toe
I spent a fortune on these
Gorgeous Gucci sandals
Sexy
Size 6
Retail

I have been waiting patiently
Why arent you listening to me?
Can't you see that it's
Trying my