Fat and weak, what a disgrace
Guess the champ got too lazy
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain

But he's no bum, he works down the street
He bought the neighborhood deli
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say

Try the rye or the kaiser
They're on special tonight
If you want, you can have an appetizer
You might like our silami and the liver's alright
And they really go well with the rye or the kaiser

Never eats while on the jo
He heard it's good to stay hungry
But he makes a pretty mean shishkabo
Have a taste, they were made fresh today

Try the rye or the kaiser
Or the wheat or the white
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight
But you just can't go wrong with the rye or the kaiser

So today, his deli comes first
Steady dreams of his past days of glory
Goes to the back and beats on the liverwurst
All the while you can still hear him say

It's the rye or the kaiser
It's the thrill of one bite
Let me please be your catering advisor
If you want substitutions
I won't put up a fight
You can have your roast beef on the rye or the kaiser

The rye or the kaiser
The rye or the kaiser