I love words I thank you for hearing my words
I want to tell you something about words that I think is important
They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion
Words are all we have, really We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid
then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for
that thought, so be careful with words I like to think that the same
words that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them
There are some people that are not into all the words
There are some that would have you not use certain words
There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7
of them you can't say on television What a ratio that is
399,993 to 7 They must really be bad They'd have to be outrageous
to be seperated from a group that large All of you over here,you 7,
Bad Words That's what they told us they were, remember?
"That's a bad word!" No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions,
and words You know the 7, don't you, that you can't say on television?
"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits"
Those are the heavy seven Those are the ones that'll infect your soul,
curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war
"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits"
Wow! and Tits doesn't even belong on the list That is such a friendly
sounding word It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here,
man Hey Tits, meet Toots Toots, Tits Tits, Toots" It sounds like a
snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack I don't mean your sexist
snack I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits,
Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits "Betcha Can't Eat Just
One" That's true I usually switch off But I mean, that word does
not belong on the list Actually none of the words belong on the list,
but you can understand why some of them are there I'm not
completely insensetive to people's feelings I can understand why
some of those words got on the list, like CockSucker and
MotherFucker Those are heavyweight words There is a lot going on
there Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling
I mean, they're just busy words There's a lot of syllables to contend
with And those Ks, those are agressive sounds They just jump out at
you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer"
It's like an assualt on you We mentioned Shit earlier, and 2 of the
other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go
together of course A little accedental humor there The reason that
Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were
certain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say I
don't mind Fuck and Shit but 'P' and 'C' are out", which led to such
stupid sentences as "Okay you fuckers, I'm going to tinckle now"
And, of course, the word Fuck I don't really, well that's more
accedental humor, I don't wanna get into that now because I think
it takes to long But I do mean that I think the word Fuck is a very
imprortant word It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to
hurt one another quite often People much wiser than I am said,
"I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love
than 2 people trying to kill one another I, of course, can agree It is
a great sentence I wish I knew who said it first I agree with that but
I like to take it a step further I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for
the word Kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with "Okay,
Sherrif, we're gonna Fuck you now, but we're gonna Fuck you slow"
So maybe next year I'll have a whole fuckin' ramp on the N word
I hope so Those are the 7 you can never say on television, under any
circumstanses You just cannot say them ever ever ever Not even
clinically You cannot weave them in on the panel with Doc, and Ed,
and Johnny I mean, it is just impossible Forget tHose 7 They're out
But there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words
Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? "And the cock
CROWED 3 times" "Hey, tha cock CROWED 3 times ha ha ha ha Hey, it's in
the bible ha ha ha ha There are some 2-way words, like it is okay for
Kirk Youdi to say "Roberto Clametti has 2 balls on him", but he can't
say "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony Don't you? He's holding
them He must've hurt them, by God" and the other 2-way word that
goes with that one is Prik It's okay if it happens to your finger You
can prik your finger but don't finger your prik No,no