Saturday night in Toledo, Ohio is like being nowhere at all
All through the day how the hours rush by
You sit in the park and you watch the grass die!
Ah, but after the sunset, the dusk and the twilight
When shadows of night start to fall
They roll back the sidewalk precisely at ten
And people who live there are not seen again!
Just two lonely truckers from Great Falls, Montana
And a salesman from places unknown (-ces unknown)
All huddled together in downtown Toledo
To spend their big night all alone!

You ask how I know of Toledo, Ohio? Well I spent a week there one day
They've got entertainment to dazzle your eyes
Go visit the bakery and watch the buns rise!
Ah, but let's not forget that the folks of Toledo
Unselfishly gave us the scale
No springs, honest weight, that's the promise they made
So smile and be thankful next time you get weighed!
And "wiv and wet wiv", let this be our motto
Let's let the sleeping dogs lie (-ping dogs lie)
And here's to the dogs of Toledo, Ohio
Ladies, we bid you goodbye!