I am Jan Brady,
and you must believe that
or forever perish in your doubt
I am the soul embodiment of Jan,
and I exist to serve the Brady alter
for I have become one with another soul,
and I have no need for others!

* Chorus*

Jan Brady has returned
took over my soul and body
then the hairstyle flew up all by itself
never to be changed
I am Jan, Jan I am
I like to eat green eggs and ham

so now you must believe and worship me
or else a lost soul you will be
I pick up my lunch from Alice our house keeper
I go to school with my Brady brothers
we live in the same house
but we come from different mothers!

*Chorus*

I know I cracked the family picture with my bike
I was'nt wearing my glasses
but I fixed everything with a bat of my eye lashes
with my wig, I'll be a smash
polyester plaid bell bottoms,
I ain't no TRASH!!!!

*Chorus*