Sgt Pilcher, Sgt Pilcher
Ingeneous Sgt Pilcher
He's found a way to make them pay,
For the deviant things they do and say
Pilcher, Sgt Pilcher
Quick-witted Sgt Pilcher
He's a dutiful man with his task at hand
And he's bound to insure with his masterplan
The purity of the motherland
Sgt Pilcher

In October of 1968
In the heart of Montague Square
There was a rumour of some deviation,
So Pilcher's Squad was there
Though it was determined before the intrudence
That the flat was fully clear
When Pilcher arrived and made his inspection
The hashish magically appeared

Pilcher, Sgt Pilcher
Ingeneous Sgt Pilcher
He's found a way to make them pay,
For the deviant things they do and say
Pilcher, Sgt Pilcher
Quick-witted Sgt Pilcher
He's a dutiful man with his task at hand
And he's bound to insure with his masterplan
The purity of the motherland
Sgt Pilcher

In March of 1969
On return from the store
Patty Harrison found Pilcher's squad waiting at her door
Planting tidbits on the popstars
Seemed quite the thing to do
'til it landed Pilcher in the pokie in 1972

Sgt Pilcher, Sgt Pilcher
That cunning Sgt Pilcher
He's found a way to make them pay,
For the deviant things they do and say
Pilcher, Sgt Pilcher
Sharp as a tack that Pilcher
He's a dutiful man with his task at hand
And he's bound to insure with his masterplan
The purity of the motherland
Sgt Pilcher