Take my family across the land, but too much ass can destroy a man
See I emptied all my glands, inside the emptiness of all my fans
I spent all my testosterone giving all my favorite fans a bone
It's hard on my hair living like a dog and tonight the devil is riding a hog

Night is falling, the curtain's calling
my bio-clock is ticking, so fast

[Chorus:]

And it's gonna be Hell-Toupee, can't stand losing my hair this way
Hell Toupee, hell toupee, not now no way

Other day I was doing the bump, then I found myself taking a dump
It gave me time to contemplate, the state of my hair and it's terrible fate
Spent my life fighting off the pigs, drinking beer and smoking cigs
stealing riffs and a blowing gigs, but now I'm stuck googling for wigs

Skin is glowing, dome is showing, my bio-clock is ticking so fast

And it's gonna be Hell Toupee
Can't stand losing my hair this way
Hell Toupee, Not now no way
Hell Toupee Day By Day, always thought my hair would stay great
But it's way too late

[Chorus]

Hell Toupee, Razor blade, it's genocide on my head today
Hell toupee, don't fade away, not now no way