Go home!
Go West!
Go back where you came from!
Oh, why did you ever leave Ohio?

A million kids just like you
Come to town every day
With stars in their eyes

They're going to conquer the city
They're going to grab off the Pulitzer prize
But it's a terrible pity
Because they're in for a bitter surprise

And their stories all follow one line
Like his
Like his
Like mine

Born in Duluth, natural writer
Published at seven, genius type
Wrote the school play, wrote the school paper
Summa cum laude, all of that tripe

Came to New York
Got on the staff here
This was my chance to be heard
And since then I haven't written a word

What a waste!
What a waste!
What a waste of money and time!

Man from Detroit
Wonderful artist
Went to Picasso
Pablo said, "Wow!"

Settled in France
Bought him a beret
Lived in Montmartre
Really learned how

Came to New York
Had an exhibit
Art critics made a big fuss
Now he paints those toothpaste ads on the bus

What a waste!
What a waste!
What a waste of money and time!

Girl from Mobile
Versatile actress
Tragic or comic
Any old play

Suffered and starved
Met Stanislavsky
He said the world would
Cheer her some day

Came to New York
Repertoire ready
Chekov's and Shakespeare's and Wilde's
Now they watch her flipping flapjacks at Childs

What a waste!
What a waste!
What a waste of money and time!

Kid from Cape Cod
Fisherman's family
Marvelous singer
Big baritone

Rented his boat
Paid for his lessons
Starved for his studies
Down to the bone

Came to New York
Aimed at the opera
Sing "Rigoletto" his wish
At the Fulton Market now he yells, "Fish!"

What a waste!
What a waste!
What a waste of money and
(Fish)

Go home!
Go West!
Go back where you came from!
Go home!