Everyday in lunch in high school,
And all of my senior year,
I'd drink my Coca-Cola with a touch of everclear
I never had to study math, science or history,
I'd have a chemical flashback to jog my memory
In my junior year I swore I loved sweet Miss Sherrie-Ann,
One night I put some everclear in her Dr Pepper can
I thought it'd make her easy, but she took it pretty hard,
I took her home and rang her doorbell, left her lyin' in the yard

Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat
Whiskey makes me nauseous, tell me who the hell needs that?
If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
Its the invisible intoxicantits called everclear

I remember my church picnic in the spring of '89,
They had 4 fresh watermelon sliced right off the vine
When they bowed their heads giving grace for the food,
Hey, I pulled out the bottle, and I soaked them melons good
Well they never knew what hit 'em, when the potion went to work,
They had Grandma's doin' backflips, Grandpa's lookin' up their skirts
They were singing Hallelujah and Willie Nelson songs,
Preacher said it was the best dang picnic,
That the baptists had ever thrown

Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat
Whiskey makes me nauseous, tell me who the hell needs that?
If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
Its the invisible intoxicantits called everclear

When I'm drinkin' everclear, I think I'm king of this whole world,
I'm bigger and badder than John Wayne and cooler than Steve Earle
Until I wake up and I'm face down in the hall,
Hey, I'm completely naked, for a reason I can't recall
Well I'm kinda, sorta thinkin' that maybe I met a chick,
'Cause there's perfume in the air, and there's lipstick on my neck
Well I hope that she was pretty and I hope that she was kind,
Enough to leave my clothes somewhere they're easy to find

Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat
Whiskey makes me nauseous