They say, to have her hair done, Liz flies all the way to France,
And Jackie's seen in a discothèque, doin' a brand new dance
And the White House social season should be glittering and gay,
But here in Topeka, the rain is a fallin';
The faucet is a drippin' and the kids are a bawlin';
One of 'em a-toddlin' and one is a crawlin';
And one's on the way

I'm glad that Raquel Welch just signed a million dollar pact,
And Debbie's out in Vegas workin' up a brand new act
And the TV's showin' Newlyweds, a real fun game to play;
But here in Topeka, the screen door's a bangin';
The coffee's boilin' over and the wash needs a hangin';
One wants a cookie and one wants a changin';
And one's on the way

Now, what was I doin'?
Jimmy get away from there
Darn, there goes the phone
Hello? Honey? What? What?
You're bringin' a few ole army buddies home?
Are you callin' me from a bar?
Get away from there!
No,no,not you honey, I was talkin' to the baby
Wait Hold on, there's the door bell
He-Hello?
I swear!

The girls in New York City, they all march for women's li
And Better Homes and Garden shows, the modern way to live
And the pill may change the world tomorrow, but meanwhile, today:
Here in Topeka, the flies are a buzzin';
The dog is a barkin' and the floor needs a scrubbin';
One needs a spankin' and one needs a huggin';
And one's on the way

Oh yeah, Here in Topeka, the rain is a fallin';
The faucet is a drippin' and the kids are a bawlin';
One of them a toddlin' and one is a crawlin';
And one's on the way

Oh, I hope it ain't twins