Went down to the kitchen to get myself a knife
It's not to butter my bread, oh no it's for my wife
The other day I saw her banging my neighbour Mitch
I don't like my wife, 'cause she's a stupid bitch

Saw her banging the postman
Saw her doing the milkman too
Saw her play with the gardeners nozzle
Then she did the construction crew

Went to the garden shed to get my pruning sheers
I don't have a hedge problem I'm gonna cut off her ears
I've seen her without me having way too much fun
When I get home tonight, I'm not gonna say I love you hun

Saw her banging Winnie the Pooh
Whilst fondling Tigger too
She had a threesome with Aladdin
And his stupid monkey Abu

Saw her banging the postman
Saw her doing the milkman too
Saw her play with the gardeners nozzle
Then she did the construction crew