I'd like to do a song this time that we -
Well, we generally have a song for the girls and boys in the audience beause lots of the songs are for the adult members of the audience Anyway this a very old number, a story about home sweet home, and the story about the fights the kids have some time, and the fights that mum and dad have some time, amd some of the fights we all have together some time, I know - that stoney stare
Anyway this one is plainly called "If I Only Had A Home Sweet Home"

Oh I had a little home that I call my own
There's no place like home
And I have a little wife, she's the plague of my life
There's no place like home
When I come home from a hard day's work
The kids all greet me with a face black as dirt
And the tea hangs down the front of their shirt
There's no place like home - play now

So when the wife's relations come to visit you
There's no place like home
Oh they all come around and stick like glue
There's no place like home
Your mother'n-law takes the best bed that you've got
Puts you outside on an old rusty cot
And your brother-'n-law lays around half shot
There's no place like home - oh yeah

Now when the baby cries out in the middle of the night
There's no place like home
And you hunt castor oil without any light
There's no place like home
And then you tread on an upturned tack
You're slidin' down the stairs on the road of your back
And your wife hollars out, Hurry up Jack
There's no place like home

Oh there's no place li-ike home, sweet home
And your wife puts her feet in the middle of your back
There's no place like home