Well, there's a new sensation in the neighborhood
And self-gratification never felt so good
You don't need a lot of training in the ways of love
Just a good firm grip and a Playtex glove

I see you standing in the corner at the high school dance
Get out on the floor and get out of your pants
I see your hands swinging loose to the beat of the bands
But there's a brand new beat and you can use both hands

You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat
Doing the pubic beat

You gotta put your inhibitions up away on the shelf
And when the feeling starts to hit you, get a grip on yourself
All the uptight people will be heading for the door
But won't you stick around with me and make a mess on the floor?

You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat
Doing the pubic beat

I see your hands swinging loose to the beat of the bands
But there's a brand new beat and you can use both hands
And all the uptight people will be heading for the door
Why don't you stick around with me and make a mess on the floor?

You're gonna look so sweet, so indiscreet
With your hands on your meat, turning red as a beet
You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat
Doing the pubic beat