Ron Mael)

Play the shark
Play the bride
Joan of Arc
Mrs Hyde
You're a girl with a thousand faces to choose from, do one

Do the saint
Do the waif
Do the child
That was great
Great performances only come with some inspiration

CHORUS
Oh, what a great performance
What a convincing performance
An Academy Award performance

Well produced
Clever lines
Well rehearsed
Well defined
There's a goldmine in what you do, but of course you know that
That's not bad
Nor is that
Very good
So was that
On behalf of the guys you've known, here's your golden trophy

CHORUS

Play the scene
Naturelle
Drop the lights
Drop the towel
No director can tell you what you should do, you'll do it

What panache
Oh, what style
Pack the house
Pack the aisles
Everyone's in the dark when you're in the room, those rumors