Sixteen military wives,
Thirty-two softly focused, brightly colored eyes,
Staring at the natural tan,
Of thirty-two gently clenching, wrinkled, little hands

Seventeen company men,
Out of which only twelve will make it back again
Seargeant sent a letter to five,
Military wives, his tears drip down to ten little eyes

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can't say no
And America does, if America says it's so
It's so

And the anchorperson on TV goes
La de da de da

Fifteen celebrity minds
Leading their fifteen SORDID wretched checkered lives
Will they find the solution in time
Using their fifteen pristine moderate liberal minds?

Eighteen academy chairs
Out of which only seven really even care
Doling out a garment to five
Celebrity mimes, they're humbly taken by surprise

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can't say no
And America does, if America says it's so
It's so

And the anchorperson on TV goes
La de da de da de-dadedade-da
La de da de da de-dadedade-da

Fourteen cannibal kings
Wondering blindly what the dinner bell will bring
Fifteen celebrity mimes
Served on a leafy bed the sixteen military wives

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can't say no
And America does, if America says it's so
It's so

And the anchorperson on TV goes
La de da de da de-dadedade-da
La de da de da de-dadedade-da