I'm kinda desperate
You might have sensed it
From the tone of my voice
It's a disaster
I got no answers
I'm kinda left with no choice

I'm doing lotsa nothings
Here with a lot of no ones,
Praying for the phone
This solitude is creepy
It really is unpretty,
A grown man alone

We could meet for coffee,
Or go to the fair
I don't even like to do those things,
But I'm gettin' kinda desperate here
Just call me!

[chorus:]

Box 27605
Please leave a message while there's still time
Bold type print in the classified
Single white male seeks Mrs Right

I'm self-employed
I'm not usually annoyed by any personality flaws
I'm not a stalker Excessive talker
It doesn't really matter to me
Whatever you're into, I'm into, that's cool

We could meet for coffee,
Or stay at home and watch Cheers
I don't even like to do those things,
But I'm gettin' kinda desperate here
So call me!

[chorus]

I'm not getting any younger here
Please call the number
Anything you wanna do is fine with me
Single white male seeks Mrs Right

Still, my box is empty,
And no one sent me any kind of reply
I sit here waiting, never dating, masturbating
Man, I hope I don't go blind

We could meet for coffee,
Or go to the state fair
I don't even like to do those things,
But I'm gettin' kinda desperate here
Just call me!

[chorus 2x]

Call me!