Everyone's so kind and humble
Don't you know that I can see right through it
Keeping all their comments down
You know it ain't a boast if you can do it

And everyone says "Say Hey"
And everyone says "did you see that kid play?"
I've got to give the kid a hand
But there's nothing that he can do better than I can

I'm Ted Fucking Williams!

People say it's hard to like a man
Who doesn't fail and show he's a human
But failure's not a sign of grace
It only means you don't know what you're doing

And everyone says "hey Mick!"
Mantle this, Mantle that it makes me sick
It's just so hard to see
Why do they like him better than me

I'm Ted Fucking Williams!

And everyone says "hey Duke!"
Like everything I did was some kind of fluke
I gotta give the Duke a hand
But there's nothing that he can do better than I can

I'm Ted Fucking Williams!