I was walking round Hollywood
3 am Sunday night
People passing, looking at me so strange
Cause no-one walks round here unless they're deranged

Out of an alleyway a woman appears
Motions me, come inside
She said, you've been trying hard
In this town too long
So don't apologize
If you want to make it big in Hollywood
This is what you got to do
If you want to make it big in Hollywood, girl
You gotta be a Jew

Well, I been up on that speed
And down on that booze
And high on cocaine
But nothing ever really could relieve my pain
And when a couple of late nights
Turn into a week or two
When you need to find a doctor child
It's gotta be a Jewish man

And then the lady, she leaned close to me
Whispered, there's something you ought to know
If you want to find a party
A Jewish man will know where to go
And if you got a job to do
Trust a Jewish man to get it done
If you want a lawyer or a CPA
He's gotta be a Jewish man
He's gotta be a Jew

Well, I been up on that speed
And down on that booze
And high on cocaine
But nothing ever really could relieve my pain
And when a couple of late nights
Turn into a week or two
When you need to find a doctor child
It's gotta be a Jewish man

Catholic boys and protestants
Can be so very sweet
But when it comes to making nice
The Jews have got them beat

They got kosher salamis
They've got their funky hats
When it's time to rock and roll
They'll show you where it's at

Well, I been up on that speed
And down on that booze
And high on cocaine
But nothing ever really could relieve my pain
And when a couple of late nights
Turn into a week or two
When you need to find a doctor child
It's gotta be a Jewish man