Cletus went down to Florida, he was lookin' for a car to steal
He was in a bind, ten payments, and the bank re-poed his wheels
When he came acroos this old man sittin' at Jalopy's used car lot
Cletus jumped up on the top of one and said, "feller, let me tell ya what

Now I'm not gonna proud of this deed I'm about to do
With no time to spare, I gotta be somewhere, so I'm gonna steal a car from you
Now I've seen you collection here, and I admit the pickin's are few
I know the pinto's gold, but consider it stole, 'cause I got a show to do"

The man said, "my name's Jalopy," and he gave an evil grin,
Because he knew that car wouldn't get to far 'fore the motor blew up again

Cletus you'd better hit the road if you're gonna be a star
The show's way up in Georgia, and you're openin' up for Garth
Your future's ridin' on this shiny pinto painted gold,
And if you're late it's Jeff Foxworthy's show

Cletus said, No way in heck he's gonna open up this show!"
Then fire flew from the manipold as his right front tire blowed
He pushed that wreck across the street and man was Cletus tissed
He tried and tried to start her up, but it sounded something like this

Cletus opened up the hood and said, "I'll be a son of a gun"
It didn't take long to figure out why the heck it wouldn't run
Fire from the engine, lots of smoke,
He can already hear them redneck jokes,
Dad blam oil pan laying in the road
Would he make the show? Heck no, heck no

Cletus shook his head as he watched Foxworthy's show
And he heard him joke of how he'd passed a burning gold Pinto
Later on Garth told Cletus he'd never get a chance again,
As he gave the check to that ol' redneck that drove a Mercedes Benz

"Tough break big guy, before I go,
Would you like to hear another redneck joke?
Did you know I got my own tv show?"
Well does anybody watch it? No, heck no?

You might be a redneck if your momma finds you out behind the barn
whupping Jeff Foxworthy for talking about rednecks so much

I'm just kidding Jeff,
I like ya, I'd love to be on your tv show
Come here to me