I am a student at Our Lady of Misery Catholic all-girls school
once a year only the sister let us have a dance
so I prayed real hard for a date to St Jude of the desperate cause
and when Walter Pinkowski asked me out
I accepted despite his flaws (he has pimples and wears glasses)

Sister Estella rang her little brass bell
she said girls you know the dance is soon
so those who are going now would you mind showing
after chapel in the common room
well a bunch of us stayed, I mean we always obeyed,
and besides there was no way to prepare
for the strange revelations that Sister shared with us there

she said youre temples of the Lord, handmaidens of Our Lady
and vessels of Holy pride
so no strapless gowns girls, and no wrap-arounds
theyll either fall down or blow open wide
and you must never choose black patent leather shoes
for as every filthy boy knows
by looking down there hell see your underwear
reflected in your shiny toes

chorus:
well the devil cant stand a good Catholic girl
thats the kind he likes to tempt the most
so remember when youre dancing close girls
leave room for the Holy Ghost!
well we got the gym, we hoped the lights would be dim
but for once they didnt want to save power
so the lights stayed on full while the nuns used their pull
to make the band play only one waltz per hour
when they finally slowed down Walters arm snuck around
and he tried to pull me close
I said Walter dont you do it, hey Walter you blew it
youre squashing the Holy Ghost

chorus

and girls if in a crowded situation you should ever have to
sit on your boyfriends knees
remember to insert between the two of you
a telephone book please for insulation now