Dorothy was a waitress on the promenade
She worked the night shift
Dishwater, blonde, tall an' fine
She got a lotta tips

Well, earlier I'd been talkin' stuff in a violent room
Fightin' with lovers past
I needed someone with a quicker wit than mine
Dorothy was fast

Well, I ordered, "Yeah, let me get a fruit cocktail, I ain't too hungry"
Dorothy laughed
She said, "Sound like a real man to me
You kinda cute, you wanna take a bath?
Do you wanna, do you wanna? Bath"

I said, "Cool, I'm leavin' my pants on", "What you say?"
"'Cuz I'm kinda goin' with someone"
She said, "Sound like a real man to me
Mind if I turn on the radio?"

"Oh, my favorite song," she said
An' it was Joni singin'
'Help me I think I'm falling'

Ring, the phone rang an' she said
"Whoever's callin' can't be as cute as you"
Right then an' there I knew I was through
Dorothy Parker was cool

Well, my pants where wet, they came off
But she didn't see the movie 'cuz she hadn't read the book first
Instead she pretended she was blind
An affliction brought on by a witch's curse

Dorothy made me laugh
I felt much better so I went back
To the violent room
Tell us what you did, what you did?
Let me tell you what I did

I took another bubble bath with my pants on
All the fightin' stopped
Next time I'll do it sooner
This is the ballad of Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker
Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker
Well, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, well