A lady that I know just came from Columbia
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out some marijuani ha-ha
She said it was the best in all the land
And I said:

No no no no, I don't smoke it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No, thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door

A woman that I know just came from Majorca Spain
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out a 10 pound bag of Cocaine
She said it was the best in all the land
And I said:

No no no no, I don't sniff it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No, thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door

A man I know just came from Nashville Tennessee oh
He smiled because I did not understand
Then he held out some moonshine whiskey oh-ho
He said it was the best in all the land
And I said:

No no no no, I don't drink it no more
I'm tired of wakin' up on the floor
No, thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door