Lyrics:

Can't bear this strain any longer, I tell you no, Gloria
Can't bear this strain any longer, I tell you no, Gloria
You promised to marry me in the month of May
Now you try to run away, if it's the last thing I have to do
Gloria my darling I'm begging you
Please marry me Gloria, darling can't you see Gloria
With all your faults, I want you like a long dose of Epsom salts

I'd like to be a bachelor,
Before I met Gloria
I don't know what she did to me
Some people think I'm crazy
Some say it's the treatment, some say it's this and that
Some say she's a diplomat, I don't care what the case may be
Come darling let's join in matrimony
So please marry me Gloria, darling can't you see Gloria
My belly does boil, I want you like a bad dose of castor oil

You said you loved me but you lied,
My friend saw you with another guy
And now you have me in a state
With all the doubts you create
Soon as I turned my back you were on the go
Gloria girl I tell you no, and I beg you not to forget
A promise to me is more than a debt
So please marry me Gloria, sweetheart can't you see Gloria
You must understand, I want you like a cop wants a wanted man

Gloria is my only girl
My only hope in this world
Give me your hand and say you do
Come back to me I'm telling you
I want you to have and hold until death we part
Please don't try to break my heart
I say stop all this stupidness darling and seal it now with a kiss
Please marry me Gloria, darling can't you see Gloria
You lovely flower bud, I love you like a pig loves a pool of mud