Christine Lavin
"Until Now"
"Yes, I know I drink too much," he said, "but it's under control
I've never picked a fight with a stranger; I've had no accidents on the road
It doesn't interfere with my work; it eases the strain
I make more money than I ever did; no one has ever complained
Until now and I wonder just what your motivation is
Until now I never thought of you as one who'd meddle in my business"
He is not my boyfriend; he's not related to me
I have known him for a long, long time; I'm worried by what I see
There's a nervous edginess that only drinking smooths
When I question him about this, he says, "What are you trying to prove?
Until now, I have thought of you as the non-judgemental type
Now I see you've been reading too many magazines, believing all that
self-help hype"
He's the life of the party; he's everybody's pal
He used to act like he liked me until now
Now we're waiting for the axe to fall, the phone call that shatters the night
Or maybe he will surprise us all, wake up one day and see the light
So I'm standing in the shadows with open eyes and closed mouth,
Knowing every day that passes, he's farther away from drying out
Until now I was able to look the other way
Until now I could pretend that what I thought didn't matter anyway