Murder In Tulip City
The story you're about to hear is true
Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent
This could happen to any city
It could happen to your city, but it didn't
It happened in Tulip City
Murder In The Tulip City!

In Tulip City you have the right to remain silent
You have the right to attorney
You have the right to wear funny wooden shoes
You have the right to eat rusks
You have the right to redeem double coupons on Tuesdays
But most of all, you have the right to fear for your life
As you tread in the shadow of the Dutch Mafia
Murder In The Tulip City!

My name's Agent 357
I've seen a lot of destruction in my day
But nothing that compares to Tulip City
Bodies floating down the Grande,
Poison windmill cookies,
People mowing their lawns on Sundays
You see, nothing is as obscene and unsightly
As when decent, honest, hard-working, upstanding people
Take control of the underground