A LADY THAT I KNOW JUST CAME FROM COLUMBIA,
SHE SMILED BECAUSE I DID NOT UNDERSTAND
THEN SHE HELD OUT SOME MARIJUANA, HA HA!
SHE SAID IT WAS THE BEST IN ALL THE LAND

AND I SAID,
"NO, NO, NO, NO, I DON'T SMOKE IT NO MORE,
I'M TIRED OF WAKING UP ON THE FLOOR
NO, THANK YOU, PLEASE, IT ONLY MAKES ME SNEEZE,
THEN IT MAKES IT HARD TO FIND THE DOOR"

A WOMAN THAT I KNOW JUST CAME FROM MAJORCA, SPAIN,
SHE SMILED BECAUSE I DID NOT UNDERSTAND
THEN SHE HELD OUT A TEN POUND BAG OF COCAINE,
SHE SAID IT WAS THE BEST IN ALL THE LAND

AND I SAID,
"NO, NO, NO, NO, I DON'T SNIFF IT NO MORE,
I'M TIRED OF WAKING UP ON THE FLOOR
NO, THANK YOU, PLEASE, IT ONLY MAKES ME SNEEZE,
AND THEN IT MAKES IT HARD TO FIND THE DOOR"

A MAN I KNOW JUST CAME FROM NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE,
HE SMILED BECAUSE I DID NOT UNDERSTAND
THEN HE HELD OUT SOME MOONSHINE WHISKEY, OH HO,
HE SAID IT WAS THE BEST IN ALL THE LAND

AND I SAID,
"NO, NO, NO, NO, I DON'T DRINK IT NO MORE,
I'M TIRED OF WAKING UP ON THE FLOOR
NO, THANK YOU, PLEASE, IT ONLY MAKES ME SNEEZE,
AND THEN IT MAKES IT HARD TO FIND THE DOOR"