Shoppin' around for a Christmas tree
At the grocery parking lot
Every thing over 4 foot 3
Is 'bout hundred bucks a pop
Schlepin' around for a Christmas tree
And I still haven't found a thing
In a trailer I met some drunken' guy
And we did some haggling

People get that ornamental feelin' every year,
Mom's and Dad's and kids all happy
Till they get their hands all scratched and sappy

Shoppin' around for Christmas trees

What a crappy holiday
Today they smell so fresh and green
They'll be dead on Christmas Day

You will get that ornamental feeling every year
When you find a tree that looks real jolly,
If you turn it round, it's as brown as Charlie's

Choppin' down my Christmas tree
In a true old-fashioned way
Toppin' it off with a Spotted Owl
And make hasty get away