1 I WAKE UP TO A NIGHTMARE
HIS ARMPITS IN MY FACE
IT'S MAKING GASTRIC NOISES
AND STINKING UP THE PLACE
HIS TEETH ARE IN THE COFFEE CUP
ON THE NIGHT STAND BY MY BED
THERE'S A SMELLY OLD GYM SOCK
ON THE PILLOW BY MY HEAD
A HOLEY PAIR OF UNDERWEAR
IS HANGING ON THE DOOR
A PEPPERONI PIZZA IS LYING
FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR
I PUT MY FEET AGAINST HIS BACK
AND GIVE A MIGHTY KICK
HE CRAWLS OVER TO THE BATHROOM
AND HE'S IN THERE GETTING SICK
CHORUS:
THERE'S A NIGHTMARE IN MY BATHROOM
AND it's SUCH A SCARY SIGHT
THERE'S A NIGHTMARE IN MY BATHROOM
AND it's SUCH A SCARY SIGHT
THIS CREATURE'S NOT THE SAME GUY
WHO TOOK ME HOME LAST NIGHT
2 HE STUMBLES FROM THE BATHROOM
WITH HIS FINGER UP HIS NOSE
IT'S SHOVED UP TO THE KNUCKLE
I WONDER WHERE IT GOES
I GOTTA GET HIM OUTTA HERE
BEFORE it's LIGHT OUTSIDE
CAUSE IF THE NEIGHBORS SAW HIM
ID CONSIDER SUICIDE
I SUDDENLY REMEMBER
IT WASN'T AT THE BAR
I MET HIM DOWN ON THIRD STREET
HE WAS BARKING AT THE CARS
I GRAB A DRIED UP SOUP BONE
FROM THE DOG DISH ON THE FLOOR
HE GOES RUNNING OUT TO FETCH IT
AS I FLING IT OUT THE DOOR
(REPEAT CHORUS)